english as she is sometimes spoke

Translation is a risky business. Here are how some people translated their information into English:

In a Dry Cleaners window in Thailand: "Drop your trousers here for the best results."

On the menu in the USA: "French creeps."

Comforting promise in a Dutch airline notice: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."

In Russia, the sad truth: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."

An invitation in a laundry in Italy: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

Hardly kosher in a butcher's in Israel: "I slaughter myself twice daily."

Honesty in an Indian shop: "Why go somewhere else to be cheated when you can come here?"

In a Paris park, a hard instruction to disobey: "Please do not be a dog."

Sign in a Chinese temple: "Please take one step forward and crap twice."

On shampoo in Taiwan (you were warned!): "Use repeatedly for severe damage."

In a hotel in Taiwan: "Please do not bring solicitors into your room."

An unfortunate pun in Spain: "We highly recommend the hotel tart."

And a health warning in a Mexican hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."

These and many others may be found in the book Lost in Translation by Charlie Croker.

worth listening to

Some of the music most worth listening to is not often played on mainstream radio. Here's some of what I'm enjoying at the moment.

all india radio

All India Radio is Martin Kennedy plus assorted other musicians from time to time. This generally instrumental music can occasionally be a little trite and simple, but more often it is strange, beautiful and haunting ambient sounds. Perhaps best of all is the only vocal album, "Fall", where the strong, expressive voice of Leona Prue fronts some fine Kennedy instrumentation. Right now (Feb 2010) you can get cheap and even free downloads from All India Radio's Myspace page.

auburn lull

These four guys from "somewhere in middle America" (Michigan) play what is sometimes called "space rock" - atmospheric, lush music that is somewhere between rock and ambient. The vocals can be a little weak, but the mainly instrumental music really soars. Check out their music at Myspace.

my brightest diamond

My Brightest Diamond is mainly Shara Worden. Trained as an opera singer, she has toured with Sufjan Stevens (see below) as a back-up singer as well as a performer of her own material. Her music is dramatic, individual and her singing can be electrifying. Her Myspace page will let you listen to some of her music.

radical face

Radical face is one of several projects of Ben Cooper, who does just about everything on the superb album "Ghost", including record it in his backyard shed. The music is beautiful and folky soft rock, and the lyrics on this album are based on the fantasy that houses have ghostly memories which remain and may haunt those who move in next. "Down the Road" from this album is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. Check out Ben's website.

sigur ros

Possibly the most well known of the bands here, these Icelanders play quirky, anthemic songs with a big sound. Never in a hurry, the music builds slowly, ebbs and flows and contains many surprises. But don't try to decipher the lyrics, they're generally in Icelandic or Hopelandic, an invented mini-language. Here's the Sigur Ros website.

sufjan stevens

Sufjan may just be the most talented and quirky musician I have ever heard. He writes some of the simplest and best lyrics you'll ever hear (try "Casimir Pulaski Day"), he plays most instruments, does his own gentle singing, and his choral and musical arrangements are sometimes intricate and always creative (try "They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From the Dead!!…") And did I say he has a mad sense of humour and some outrageous song titles? His website sums it up this way: "Sufjan Stevens mixes autobiography, religious fantasy, and regional history to create folk songs of grand proportions." On top of this, he established Asthmatic Kitty records, which is now home to a large bunch of quirky, obscure and talented musicians.

the middle east

The Middle East are a creative bunch of Aussies who can play anything from modern folk to anthemic rock. Recent performances have endeared them to a growing clan of loyal followers. On stage, they are a six or seven piece collective that can on occasion be augmented to include a string section and/or a choir. "Blood" is a moving folky song about family and the hurts that can come with the package. Pig Food live (which has the full string section plus choir) is well worth a listen (though not as tight as on recording - it was on the original "The Recordings of the Middle East", but not on the re-release). I really hope this amazing band is heard by many more happy listeners. Check out their Myspace page.

the bible and modern science

I couldn't resist coming out of retirement for this.

The debate about religion vs science seems to be hotting up. In past centuries, many scientists were believers, and that is still true today. But those on the atheist side of science seem to be starting to press the point that science and religion don't mix, and that true scientists cannot hold religious beliefs because (they say) such beliefs are based on faith and not on reason. (Never mind that many believers offer reason-based explanations for their beliefs.)

An example of this is from fellow Aussie, Russell Blackford, in his blog Metaphysician and the Hellfire Club (great title!). In this post he claims that sacred writings like the Bible cannot be considered true in any sense because they don't contain accurate scientific information. He writes:

"if a god or angel or similar being has inspired the religion's poets and prophets, or dictated actual text for inclusion in its holy books, the god or angel (or whatever) could easily reveal such facts as the true age of the Earth, the fact that it revolves around the Sun, the fact that it is spherical and rotates on its axis, and the evolutionary origin of human beings."

This set my imagination running, as I envisaged Moses (about 1400BC and the traditional author of the first 5 books of the Bible) discussing science with his brother Aaron.

Moses: Hey Aaron, how do you spell "quark" in Hebrew?

Aaron: No idea. What do you want to know that for?

Moses: It's Yahweh again. Keeps telling all this strange stuff about strangeness and charm and spin, and quarks and gravitons and dark matter. I don't mind not understanding, but I need to know how to write this stuff down.

Aaron: Tell him we're just stone-age goat-herders living a subsistence existence, and you're the only one who can read and write. Ask Him for something simpler, like why does the sun rise every morning?

Moses goes away up Mt Sinai, and returns 3 days later.

Moses: He says the sun doesn't rise in the morning, its the earth moving.

Aaron: I've felt the earth move once or twice (snigger), but not usually in the morning!

Moses: Nothing like that bro', we live on a giant ball, and it goes round and round on its axis, and that makes the sun look like it's moving.

Aaron: What's a ball?

Moses: Dunno, bro', I asked him that and he started to talk about radii and something called a pie, and the number 3.1412, but then he said "forget it!" and muttered under his breath about next time I'll just say 3.

Aaron: Did he tell you anything else?

Moses: Two more things. One was that when he said we came from the dust of the ground he meant we had gradually evolved for billions of years.

Aaron: What's billions?

Moses: Dunno mate, but I think it's a number greater than two.

Aaron: What does evolved mean?

Moses: He says it actually took him more than 6 days to make all this. I told him I didn't really care how long he took, I wasn't in any hurry.

Aaron: What was the other thing you learnt?

Moses: He said that one day people would find it easier to believe all this came about by chance than believe in him. I said, no, I was willing to believe all the other crazy stuff about quarks and pie if He said so, but I couldn't come at that!

Aaron: What did he say then?

Moses: He said, let's start again. Just write this down: "In the beginning, God made the heavens and the earth" And I said, that's more like it, now you're talking my language! He just smiled and said, thanks.

atheists and buses (again)

Not long ago I reported on the atheist bus advertising in the UK, with the somewhat underwhelming slogan: "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and get on with your life."

Now the Sydney Morning Herald reports "Atheist message misses local bus", with similarly underwhelming messages: "Sleep in on Sunday mornings" and "Celebrate reason". Most Australians already do the first, and the second seems to contradict itself by giving no reasons. I could wholeheartedly support both of them.

But their advertising campaign has unfortunately been run over by a bus. The outdoor advertising company APN Outdoor has declined to accept their business without giving any reason. The atheists suggest freedom of speech is at stake, but it hardly seems free to force a company to take on a commercial job it chooses not to.

Perhaps the company wanted to avoid some unfortunate juxtapositions ....

advertising atheism

It has taken a while, but it is now happening.

A few months back it was reported that British atheists were being asked to contribute to an advertising campaign to counter christian advertising on London buses, but only a fraction of the money had been raised. The ads were to say: 'There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and get on with your life.'

More recently it has been reported that Richard Dawkins has offered a significant amount of money, matching whatever is given by others, to begin the campaign.

This was discussed by comedians on Sydney afternoon radio last Friday, and a couple of comments suggested the advertising might be underwhelming:

"If they were really serious, the ads would say: 'There's probably no God - sin away!'"

"Imagine if the ads said: 'There's probably not a bomb on this bus, so get on board.' Would you?"

this made me laugh

This last week Sydney has been host to Catholic Youth Day. The Pope is in town and thousands of pilgrims have come from around the world to participate. The culmination will be a massive mass at Randwick Racecourse on Sunday, and many pilgrims plan to camp out over Saturday night to hold a vigil. But it is the middle of winter, and the nights are quite cold, and camping shops have reported pilgrims buying up camping gear for their sleepover.

And so the Sydney Morning Herald headline was (wait for it!):

'Tis the winter of their discount tent

it's time for some mondegreens!

For those who don't know, mondegreens are words of songs that have been heard wrongly, but the result is better or funnier than the original. The term came from an old Scottish ballad which apparently tells how:

"They have slain the Earl O'Murray, And Lady Mondegreen." The real words are: "They have slain the Earl O'Murray, And laid him on the green."

Here are a few classic mondegreens from popular songs:

"Since she put me down there's been owls pukin' in my bed" (the Beach Boys "Help Me Rhonda") Actual lyric: "Since she put me down I've been out doing in my head."

"The girl with colitis goes by." (The Beatles "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds") Actual lyric: "The girl with kaleidoscope eyes."

"There's a bathroom on the right." (Creedence Clearwater Revival "Bad Moon Rising") Actual lyric: "There's a bad moon on the rise."

"Everybody in a wholesale frock, dance to the jailhouse rock" (Elvis "Jailhouse Rock") Actual lyric: "Everybody in the whole cell block, dance to the jailhouse rock

"The ants are my friends, they're blowing in the wind" (Bob Dylan "Blowing in the wind") Actual lyric: "The answer my friend is blowing in the wind"

"Every time you go away you take a piece of meat with you" (Paul Young "Every time you go away") Actual lyric: "Every time you go away you take a piece of me with you"

Check out more mondegreens here, here and here, and get the background at Wikipedia.

i always loved this cartoon

a tale of 3 watches

One watch has the slogan: "It's your watch that tells most about who you are." And this is who they hope you'll want to be like ...

Another watch suggests your watch determines what you are made of ...

So what does Unkle E's watch tell you about him?

Let's resist advertising and social images that try to sell vanity, and self esteem where it cannot and should not be found!

mysteries of stonehenge

Photo from Cardboad Stonehenge blog.

I have long had an interest in neolithic and bronze age England, and on my only visit to the UK managed to visit Stonehenge, West Kennet Longbarrow, Avebury and Silbury Hill. I have read a bit about Stonehenge, and know my stonehenge from my woodhenge.

So it was with great delight that I found something new - cardhenge! If you have an interest in neolithic sites plus an odd sense of humour, you may enjoy cardboard STONEHENGE. : )

prepare to be amazed

Check out the amazing 3-D artwork of pavement artist Julian Beever. His chalk pictures are drawn so that they appear 3-dimensional when viewed from the correct angle. In this photo (copyright and used with Julian's permission) the man, I presume the artist, is standing on one of his pavement pictures - you can still see the paving slabs.

Julian has been around for a while, but I have only recently come across his work, so I'm guessing others may not have seen these pictures either. Check out his website, or go direct to some of his best works including:

• a giant Coke bottle
• Batman & Robin to the rescue
• the artist - seeing double
• playing in puddles
  
• the artist, on top of the world
• the world from side-on - showing how he does it
  

the world can sleep easier tonight! : )

Many big show business names have offered support to the campaign to address global warming, but now some real muscle has joined the fight! Yes, Spinal Tap has re-formed, and is on the campaign trail, as reported in the Sydney Morning Herald.

It has taken the rock heavyweights a little time to realise the extent of the problem ("Nigel thought it was just because he was wearing too much clothing." says film-maker Rob Reiner), but now the band is rocking out with their new single, Warmer than Hell, and a scheduled appearance at the London Wembley Live Earth concerts organised by Al Gore in his crusade against global warming.

Truly the world can sleep a little easier tonight. : )