english as she is sometimes spoke

Translation is a risky business. Here are how some people translated their information into English:

In a Dry Cleaners window in Thailand: "Drop your trousers here for the best results."

On the menu in the USA: "French creeps."

Comforting promise in a Dutch airline notice: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."

In Russia, the sad truth: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."

An invitation in a laundry in Italy: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

Hardly kosher in a butcher's in Israel: "I slaughter myself twice daily."

Honesty in an Indian shop: "Why go somewhere else to be cheated when you can come here?"

In a Paris park, a hard instruction to disobey: "Please do not be a dog."

Sign in a Chinese temple: "Please take one step forward and crap twice."

On shampoo in Taiwan (you were warned!): "Use repeatedly for severe damage."

In a hotel in Taiwan: "Please do not bring solicitors into your room."

An unfortunate pun in Spain: "We highly recommend the hotel tart."

And a health warning in a Mexican hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."

These and many others may be found in the book Lost in Translation by Charlie Croker.